I was very struck by this story at Salon.com. I am so struck, in fact, that I am going to abandon my much needing to be done work in order to blog about it. Now, as is probably very apparent, I am not a big fan of the gender binary. When I mention this to my non-academic, non-hippy-dippy friends, the response I almost universally receive has something to do with the fact that little kids are REALLY into gender norms therefore gender norms must be natural, necessary, etc. Yet Lise Elliot seems to suggest in the aforementioned article that kids aren’t really into gender normative behaviour, kids are really into pleasing their parents and other caregivers. And even a three year old can figure out that in our culture, everyone seems very pleased by gender appropriate behaviour and very displeased with the converse.
I think that Elliot also made a very interesting point about the current predicament of boys. While lots of anti-feminist fear-mongers like to suggest that there is a “War on Boys” that is the result of an effeminized culture, I think that the real gap is still founded in misogyny and a nearly pathological fear of all things feminine. Girls increasingly receive the message that they can “do anything”. Boys receive the message that they can do anything that is not perceived as feminine. This is because that while we might recognize and even encourages girls to aspire to traditionally masculine roles; we are still dumbstruck as to why a “privileged” male would surrender his masculine privilege and risk being seen as feminine. Dressing up old prejudice in new guises is not real progress.
So where does that leave all us in terms of childrearing in this post-Post-modern age? Well, I don’t have any little feet running around my flat at the moment and I don’t imagine they will be appearing soon (I am currently expecting a doctoral thesis). But if and when I become a parent, the role of gender will be at the front of my little pea brain. What I want for my hypothetical children is what I want for all people: the knowledge that the dignity of the human person has nothing to do with gender (or sexuality or race or creed or any of the other silly things that we use to divide ourselves). I want them to love themselves and others as completely and utterly unique individuals joined mysteriously in diversity.
These are principles deeply rooted in my faith, a faith that knows God as Trinity-One and yet Three. It is a faith that calls me to remember that the eradication of divisions amongst people is the most immediate result of the Incarnation for there is no longer “male nor female, Greek nor Jew, Free nor Slave”. Hence for me, the challenge to gender is a necessary one because it is an act of devotion, an act of faith. What would please me are not little children obsessed with pink and blue, boy toys and girl toys. What would please me are children who live as fully and authentically as possible who tell the truth about themselves and in telling that truth share with the world a small part of the truth about God. It is those kernels of truth that we are all sent here to share which we lose when we insist that everyone must be the same. Of course, with regards to gender hasn’t truth always been the first victim?
3 responses so far ↓
Lady G // September 28, 2009 at 2:16 pm |
a) Girls wearing Pink and Boys wearing Blue didn’t happen until the 1940s.
b) Boys under the age of three wore dresses into the early 19th century.
c) No, children are NOT interested in gender norms blah blah blah and ARE into pleasing their caregivers. Haven’t we all had some experience with a little boy who fell in love with a barbie doll and carried it around all the time like a blanket or favorite stuffed animal? The kid loves his barbie, but quickly gives it up due to the large amount of fuss and sarcasm and ‘wouldn’t you rather…’s heaped around him by adults (particularly men).
d) working in the kid’s department of a bookstore, I see this all the time. Girls are required/want to read books that have boys as the main character. It’s not something they’re particularly worried about. Boys, unless literally forced to by both curriculum AND parents forcing them to do their homework will NOT pick up or even consider a book with a girl on the cover or as the main character! They are ‘girls books’. And even though books about boys in sports or as juvenile secret agents could be considered ‘boys books’ girls will still read them and there are a LOT fewer.
Brianna // October 22, 2009 at 4:36 pm |
This is a very interesting topic of which I will soon be ranting about on my own blog. Well put, both of you. Boys are, sadly, influenced by what is considered the ‘norm’. This is something most of us fail to notice, caught up as we are in our own little worlds. Mothers especially are susceptible to this, focusing more on how society influences her daughter(s). While some of us like to believe we live in a male-dominated society, really the world is quite pro-femininity. Not so for boys, however, they do have much to conform to. I hope one day when I am a parent I will be more open-minded with my sons, if I am blessed with them.
AARON TABUCHI // December 4, 2009 at 8:40 pm |
Nice to hear an intelligent Christian thinking outside of the imposed boxes of modern Christian Psychology. It is so popular right now to hear Christians exploiting the small gap between male and female and forcing them further and further apart in the minds of everyday people. What kind of unity and harmony between the sexes ( expecially between spouces ) will occur from the presupposition that men are from mars and women are from venus? very little in my observation of the results of the overexaggeration of the truth that people like Dobson peddle.